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Channeling Dr. Seuss this election season …

Every Trump Down in Trumpville
Liked elections a lot…
But the Yous, who lived elsewhere, really did NOT! The Yous hated elections! The whole election season! Do you have to ask why? Everyone knows the reason.

The candidates’ heads weren’t screwed on just right. And possibly too, their toupees were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that their hearts were too small.

Whatever the reason, their hearts or their ‘toups,’
The Yous stood through the election, hating the whole group. From Trump to Rubio to Carson and Cruz.
From Jeb Bush to Christie, and Hillary too.
None of them could stand them, not one single You.

But staring down from Vermont, with a big frumpy frown,
Was a gruff white-haired man who liked the Yous’ middle-class town. He promised to hold those Wall Streeters accountable.
And make the income and wealth gap less insurmountable.

“There are tough times ahead!” he emphatically said, “With the division of income, how are you Yous even fed?”

From up in his penthouse, his brain nervously spinning,
Trump growled, “I MUST find some way to stop Bernie from winning!”

For the Yous were starting to prod and to poke, And to consider Trump’s campaign quite a big joke.

“Why, months and months I’ve put up with it now!” “I MUST stop him from winning! But HOW?”

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
“I know just what to do!” Trump sneered with a groan. “I’ll tell them about my small $1 million loan.”

And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Trumpy trick!” “With such a great story, how can they think I’m a dick?”

“I’ll buy this election. My fortune is great.”
“And I’ll be the financial king of these United States!” “I’ll deport everyone who came here too late.”
“It’ll be just like firing them, a mere act of fate.”

But the Yous laughed even harder at the great Trumpy Trump. And his polls started crashing way down to the dump. Without Bernie or Hillary lifting a finger.
Trump’s campaign would hopefully not linger.

As Trump looked around, at the Yous tall and small,
He realized that perhaps he had misjudged them all.
They don’t want a candidate who acts like a jerk.
They would rather have one who puts them back to work.

Tho it’s hard to imagine him negotiating with Merkel, Or facing the Syrians and Putin, that jerk-l.
The Yous were happy that Bernie had entered the race. For he truly wants to make the country a better place.

But as the calendar turns to 2016, and the election grows near, We realize that really our one greatest fear …
Is that the GOP might still elect that man Trump.
Who’s only one letter removed from a ‘rump.’





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‘Twas the Year Before the Election

‘Twas a year before the election, when all through the states,
Several candidates were blathering through all the debates.
The caucuses were all scheduled, from here to over there,
In hopes that eventually, someone would care.

With questions about health care, guns, and email,
We groaned as we watched them bluster and fail.
We had settled in for a long winter’s nap.
Because we’d already had too much of their crap.

When up here in Vermont, there arose such a clatter,
We turned on the TV to see what was the matter.

Away from FoxNews, we flew like a flash,
Clicked to CNBC, where they were talking about cash.
Then on to WCAX where we usually watch the news,
And continued to groan at that whacko Ted Cruz.

When what to our wondering eyes should appear,
But a gruff white-haired man, who gave us reason to cheer.
He was a politician who was no ordinary attorney.
A democratic socialist with the first name of Bernie.

With no love for Wall Street, and paid family care,
He really was a breath of fresh air.
Far different than Jeb Bush, Christie and Cruz.
From Trump, Rubio, Carson, and Hillary too.

Tho it’s hard to imagine him negotiating with Merkel,
Or facing the Syrians and Putin, that jerk-l.
It’s good that he’s challenging the bankers and Fed.
It helps give our economy a little more cred.

But in 2016, as the election grows near,
We realize that our one greatest fear …
Is that the GOP will choose that man Trump.
Who’s only one letter removed from a ‘rump.’

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How the Bankers Stole Christmas

I wrote this in December 2008. It feels like time to repost it.

* * *

Every You down in You-ville
Liked Christmas a lot.
And the Bankers did too — in New York and Charlotte.

The Bankers loved Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
You can ask why. Everyone knows the reason.
It was gift cards and sweaters and HD TVs
American Girl dolls and new shoes and Nintendo Wiis.

But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that everyone’s credit limit was too tall.

But, no matter the reason, the gift cards or shoes.
Weeks before Christmas, the Bankers began hating the Yous.
Staring down from their offices with nervous wan smiles
At the vacant shop windows and empty store aisles.
But every You down in You-ville couldn’t even afford lunch
From debt load and foreclosure and the big credit crunch.

It happened back in September,
If you will remember …

After years of prosperity, the economy tanked.
And now this austerity, it just really stank.
For 28 years, they’d been on a roll.
Now the Yous one by one were living on the dole.

“They’re not filling the stores!” the Bankers snarled with a sneer.
“We’ll never stay liquid. That much is clear.”
Then they growled as they watched the DOW Jones keep on dropping.
“We must find a way to keep them all shopping!”

But how?

Then the Bankers got an idea!
An awful idea
The Bankers got a wonderful awful idea!

“We know just what to do!” they laughed with great glee.
And they boarded their jets and flew to D.C.
And as they walked into Congress, they knew they’d receive
An unprecedented 700 billion dollar reprieve.

“Help us!” they said in a loud chorus of rings,
“For we are the most awesome of the financial kings!”

They reminded Congress, “to give us free rein!
To regulate us now would be completely insane.
We can bring the DOW back to its previous bubble
It’s just those stupid Yous who are in all this trouble.”

Then, they loaded their pockets with taxpayer money.
And flew off to where the climate was sunny.
They would eat escargot in the restaurants of Paris
And fly private jets to the beaches of Nevis.

But then as the Bankers sat down and gloated
Their overstuffed egos distended and bloated.
The Yous stood watch as the DOW continued down
And their homes were foreclosed in their very own town.

The Bank had taken their houses and credit.
For 28 years, the government had let it.
Secondary derivatives and subprime mortgage rates.
And credit default swaps had sealed the Yous’ fates.

All through the fall, throughout the long days
All the Yous felt robbed of their 401(k)s.
They sold all they could–a stock market unloading.
But as Christmas approached, there was a sense of foreboding.

With no credit to buy and no money to spend
The Yous would be starting a new Christmas trend.
They’d make and they’d bake and they’d learn to buy less
Until the new President could get them out of this mess.

For Christmas would come, just without cash
It would come without packaging that went in the trash.
It would come without presents, without ribbons and wrappings
Without tags and tinsel and trimmings and trappings.

Then the Yous thought of something really quite daring.
Maybe Christmas, they thought, is about more than sharing.
The holidays, perhaps, are more about caring.

As Christmas drew near, the Yous felt in good cheer
And focused their hopes on the New Year.

And hope, the Yous realized, the tall and the small,
Could be the very best Christmas present of all.

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As USA Swimming gears up for the 2015 world championships, meet Simone Manuel …

SANTA CLARA, CA - JUNE 20:  Simone Manuel dives in for the women's 100 meter freestyle final during the 2014 Arena Grand Prix of Santa Clara at the George F. Haines International Swim Center on June 20, 2014 in Santa Clara, California.  (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)

SANTA CLARA, CA – JUNE 20: Simone Manuel dives in for the women’s 100 meter freestyle final during the 2014 Arena Grand Prix of Santa Clara at the George F. Haines International Swim Center on June 20, 2014 in Santa Clara, California. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)

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Author Event at the Rutland Library – April 25, 2015

If you’d like to buy a signed copy of Deluge, I’ll be at the Rutland Library on Saturday, April 25, 2015, from 1-5 p.m. for an Author Event.


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2014-2015 is Banner Season for U.S. Skiers & Snowboarders

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Lindsey Vonn: On Her New Trophy Cabinet & Breaking More Records

Lindsey Vonn returned to world cup competition this season after almost two years away. And she’s ending the season having earned 8 more World Cup victories, a sixth world championship medal, and two more crystal globes to her collection. She now has 19—four large globes for the overall title and 15 smaller globes for overall wins in downhill, super-g, and combined.

So where does Vonn stash all this lead crystal, made by Bavarian glassblower, JOSKA Kristall?

Some of her globes are still in their hard-shell cases. But when Vonn returns to her home in Vail this spring, she will put all 19 into a new trophy cabinet that she had built over her fireplace.

“There’s place for 23 [crystal globes], so if I win more than that, I’ll have to build a new one,” she said by phone from Meribel, France, host to World Cup Finals this season. “I think that will suffice.”

Why will 23 suffice?

That’s just the way the display lights fit above her fireplace, she said. She could either commission a case for 17 or 23.

“I said 23, make it bigger.” She then added that the trophy case can be made even larger if needed.

With 19 overall titles, Vonn tied Ingemar Stenmark for the most won by one athlete. But until yesterday, she did not know that she was close to the alpine legend’s record. When she realized what would happen if she won the overall super-g title (in a tight race with Austrian Anna Fenninger), Vonn realized that it would be “a pretty amazing accomplishment to equal his record.”

“Ingemar is an amazing legend in our sport, someone I’ve always idolized,” she said. “He seems like someone who’s not attainable, all of his records are just not attainable. To be able to be at the same level as he is, in at least one of his many categories that he has the record, is pretty incredible.”

But asked if she is shooting for his other major record — 86 World Cup wins — Vonn demurred. To win 19 more World Cup races (she already has 67 wins), Vonn would need to win seven more next year, seven the year after, and six in the 2018 Olympic year (she has stated that she will compete at least through the 2018 Olympic Winter Games in South Korea).

Vonn, now age 30, won eight World Cups this year. The most she has ever won in one season is 12 (during winter 2011/2012), and she has won at least six every year since 2007/2008 (excluding 2014, which she sat out while recovering from two knee surgeries).

“Mathematically, it’s definitely possible,” she said. “But that’s a lot easier said than done.”

Vonn is trying to keep record-breaking out of her goal setting. She admitted that thinking about breaking Annemarie Moser-Proell’s record of 62 World Cup wins (the most of any woman until Vonn broke it in January) was one of her “faults.” She became aware of Moser-Proell’s record when she hit 55 wins in 2013 — shortly before her devastating crash at the 2013 world championships. (Incidentally, Moser-Proell only won 16 overall World Cup titles.)

“Going forward, I need to not think about those things and just focus on the skiing,” she said. “It always seems to bring good things.”

Like lots of glittery crystal to place over the fireplace.

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Mikaela Shiffrin: From one breakthrough to the next

“I’m hoping that each year is going to be a breakthrough year in some aspect of my skiing,” the Olympic slalom gold medalist said recently. “It just keeps coming at me.”

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Billy Mills on his 1964 Olympic gold medal in the 10,000

It was a real honor to interview Billy Mills. He spoke at length about his victory at the Tokyo 1964 Olympic Games in the 10,000 and the — often sad — journey that led to it.

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Bode Miller on why Ted Ligety skis GS so fast

by Peggy Shinnmens GS higher res

In the first run of giant slalom at the Sochi Olympics, Ted Ligety put a 0.93 gap on the field. That would be a large margin for an entire, two-run race, let alone one run. Since he began focusing on his GS in 2006, Ligety has perfected a style that makes him faster—much faster—than his competitors. In a course replay, with Ligety’s run and Bank’s run superimposed, you could see how the 29-year-old Utahan generates speed out of each turn, almost jetting into the next turn, much like a good slalom skier.

After the first run of the 2014 Olympic GS, I asked Bode what Ted does to generate such huge gaps in GS. Here’s his reply, edited for clarity.

Bode: “Ted gets more shape [to his turn] above the gate, some pressure built above the fall-line so he’s pushing down into the fall line a little bit.

“In general, he carries speed from turn to turn better. Because he’s going deeper, his turn is actually longer. Right now, if you watch the top guys, you’ll see almost a flat spot between their turns. It’s easy to see on the first 15 gates. They make a turn, then the pressure is all finished, the turn is finished. There’s a flat spot. Then they drop in and make another turn and then there’s another flat spot. Each turn is starting from scratch. The reason is because the turn shape is shorter than what the course demands. It doesn’t really make sense for them to make a longer radius turn.

“But Ted goes so round that his turn is naturally a longer radius so by the time his turn finishes, it’s time to go into the next turn. If it’s not [finished], he just keeps going until it is. He’ll just keep turning until it’s time to link to the next turn. That way, he generates speed from one turn into the next one. The two things work together. He generates more speed and links one turn to the next and because he has so much space [around the gates], he never pinches or gets in trouble because he’s always way far away from the gate.

“I take nothing away from Ted. I think he’s one of the best GS skiers in history. Every one right now is trying to do what Ted is doing because of the equipment, course sets, and all this stuff. He’s so much better at it than anyone else. You run into that. Guys tried to copy me for awhile doing different things. It just doesn’t work.

“If Ted had some competitors who skied alternative styles to his … if you saw a guy like [Alberto] Tomba at his best or Hermann [Maier] at his best or even Michael von Gruenigan, those guys had their own thing going, and they knew exactly how to do it. It would be tough for Ted to compete against somebody who was cutting off that much line on him. I’m one of the few guys who, if I have my set-up correct, I can trim off a bunch of line. He’s going way faster, but you get to the finish line at the same time because you’re going 100 meters shorter distance in a GS course. Right now, he’s just so consistent. He makes no errors. And anybody who’s trying to cut off line just ends up making mistakes and it ends up making a huge gap.”

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