Humor

The Game of Life: Journalist’s Edition

Start Here: With $2,000 and a car! If you want auto insurance, pay $1,500.

Slow start, spin again.

Go to college: Journalist! Salary $10,000. Move ahead five spaces to Pay Day! Collect $10,000.

Student loan due: Pay $10,000.

Get married! Add spouse and a kid. Collect presents—$500, or an ugly cake plate, from the other players.

Promotion to senior writer! Collect $5,000 raise.

Crazy aunt dies, leaves you four cats. Pay the vet $1,000 to have them fixed.

Win award! Receive Lucite trophy and a handshake.

Computer hard drive croaks. Pay $499 at Apple’s Genius Bar, then end up buying new laptop for $1,500.

Your employer starts website! Make lateral move to “content director” with promise of more promotions as web advertising takes off.

Economy crashes, lose job.

Become freelance writer. Pay $500 for a website and business cards. Set up “office” in local Starbucks. Pay $100 for a month’s worth of lattes.

First freelance gig! Collect $200!

Submit 20 more story pitches. Editors don’t answer emails. Lose turn.

Sell car. Collect $2,000 and start taking the bus.

Book proposal is accepted! Collect $2,000 advance. … Book research takes you to Finland. Pay $5,000 for expenses. … Book sells 2,246 copies. Collect $246 in royalties after subtracting advance.

Mortgage due. Thank goodness spouse is still employed.

Mega Millions jackpot hits $500 million. Pay $10 for lotto tickets. … Miss all but two numbers.

Learn to cook! Buy less takeout. Monthly food bill decreases by $200.

Dust off bicycle. Lose 20 pounds!

Assignment for small weekly! They offer $50 plus a byline.

Attacked on Twitter! Shake head and wonder why you never considered medical school.

Apply for social media job! $100,000 salary on offer, plus benefits. … Company hires recent college grad for her role as influencer.

Local community college needs instructors. Teach writing for $2,000 per semester.

Uncle left you skunk farm! Pay $9,000 to get rid of it. … Donate $100 to local animal rights group.

Amazon is hiring! Sell dignity for minimum wage. … Wonder if it’s too late to go to law school.

Retirement? What retirement? Return to start and keep playing!